You're on a mission to change the world or to launch a new vision or project, but I don't want you to start with why!
There's a simple step you need to take first, which will make the difference between a long hard slog and feeling in flow, excited about the progress you're making.
And it's a three-lettered word.
Check out the strategy in this episode of RevolutionaryWomen.fm and then let me know your thoughts, over at our listener-only Facebook group.
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Welcome to episode two of the RevolutionaryWomen.fm podcast.
I'm your host Clare Josa, author of "Ditching Imposter Syndrome" and "Dare to Dream Bigger."
And today I want to talk to you about why we do not start with 'Why?' when we're on a mission to make a bigger difference in the world. Don't get me wrong, I love Simon Sinek's book, "Start With Why?" It is such a an important book when you're gonna be growing a business or launching an initiative in the company you work for. You have to engage people with the why before you take them on the journey for the what.
So this is why it's something I start with in my book, "Dare to Dream Bigger," which takes you through the "7 Cs" of making a bigger difference in the world. The why, your big why, is really, really important.
But here's the thing: although most of us need to have a why before we will listen to a message, when we are the initiator of that change, if we start with why, we're missing a trick. I don't want you to start with why, I want you to start with who.
Those of you who've hung around with me for a while will know that I regularly bang on about how changing the world isn't so much about what you do, it's about who you allow yourself to become.
Changing the world isn't so much about what you do, it's about who you allow yourself to become.
Now the important words in that quote are allow and become.
When we're living in the real world and we've got the people outside of us giving us that special thing that they like to call feedback, that actually means, ouch. Or we're doing that to ourselves at three o'clock in the morning with our self talk, it's really easy to start shutting down.
Okay, I won't be the bouncy version of me.
Okay, I won't talk about my brilliant ideas in meetings.
Okay, I won't volunteer for that project.
We start to put on suits of armour and this starts at a tiny age when we're children, and the armour that we pick up when we're say six, we're still wearing at 36 or 56 or 96 unless we consciously chose to take it off.
And the thing is, by then it doesn't fit very well.
And we don't even remember that we chose to wear it, it was a totally subconscious decision to keep us safe, and we're clunking around the world, with 3,000 suits of armour that means nobody actually gets to see the genius of who we really are.
Now if imagining yourself as being a genius is something that just went you need to listen to episode three when it comes out. I'm gonna be giving you a fantastic process to clear what I call the flinch factor, in under 10 minutes without faking it, okay? So just park that for now and when episode three is out, make sure you sign up for my free flinch factor training. Try saying that after a glass of wine!
So, when we've shut down in all these tiny ways, we might feel really inspired to head for a goal or a vision or make a difference or achieve something, but we're trying to do it with a fraction of our real selves, of our real power, of our real passion, because wearing that armour actually is really exhausting. It kills passion and excitement and the energy that we need to actually of go and create those goals.
So to give you some of what my clients call engineer approved woo-woo, because I used to be a mechanical engineer. There is something in the ancient yoga world called Shakti, and that literally means the energy with which we go and achieve something that's outside of a comfort zone. Something that actually gets us taking that inspired action that creates breakthroughs and not burnout. Shakti is absolutely emptied by shutting down.
So when you're looking at making a difference in the world, rather than just thinking about why you want to make it, meaning that you're gonna then try and make it, with all that armour clunking around as you walk along, and very little of that Shakti, that energy to actually to create that change.
The much more empowering way to start is to look at who do I want to allow myself to become?
Now the allow means staring to take off some of that armour, because if you're wearing armour that says "I'm not speaking on stage, because I want to keep safe" "and I don't want trolls and all that kind of thing", "and if I stick my head above the parapet, well who I am to do that", "because somebody will criticise me or people from my past will say, 'Who you to be having that message...? Come back down here and play small!' "
That makes it really hard to go up on that stage and speak in a way that inspires people and chances are you will still manage it, but you will have to use willpower and grit and determination to push on through those fears.
How about instead you release the fears so that you can go up on stage with excitement and hope and passion and that clarity and confidence and inspire the people with the true light of who you really are.
So when I work with people, like you, Revolutionary Women who want to open up and make that bigger difference before we talk about what they want to achieve, I talk to them about who do you want to allow yourself to become.
Because when you focus on a mission or a project from the point of view of who am I going to allow myself to become, who do I want, which as, and I don't mean who on the outside world, I'm not like, "Hey, I wanna be Oprah." It's which elements of me, which aspects of me do I want to set free from the armour and allow to shine to be able to create whatever it is that's next on my list.
When you start a project from that perspective, you know which blocks to clear out before you even begin.
Okay, what might get in the way of me allowing myself to become that version of me?
What is it I'm scared of, that means that version of me has been playing small and trying to stay safe?
I can't achieve crazy dream, because...
It's one of my favourite magic questions with mentoring clients. I can't achieve that, I can't do that, I can't allow myself to become that, because...
Everything that comes after the because, yeah if you were to press pause right now as long as you're not driving, cause I want you to concentrate on that. If you were to press pause right now, think about something you want to achieve, I can't do that, because...
List five to seven answers, and you'll find that those are the blocks that might get in the way.
So rather than having to push on through, using the why to give you the Shakti - that energy to create the change, if you clear out those blocks and you focus on allowing yourself to become the person that is already creating that change, you'll find the whole process so much easier, it takes so much less effort, you'll find that synchronicities line up for you, when you start with who and not why.
So, moving on from the who versus why, the next thing I want to cover today is the difference between a goal and a vision.
This is something I get asked quite a lot. I talk about big visions, I talk about having that mission. We talk about being on a mission to change the world when we're Revolutionary Women.
So here's the thing: a goal is about doing, a vision is about becoming. And this is why a vision gets people more excited than a goal. It gets them buying in, it gets them sharing their energy, their Shakti with what is that you're leading them towards and the way that I like to describe it, is a vision is the why behind a goal's what.
A vision is the why behind a goal's what.
So when you've got clarity on a vision, the key element here is there will be an emotional connection with it. A goal - we can have our smart goals or whatever the latest leadership template is that we should be using to create goals - they're all about actions and doing. The vision is about: 'why are we doing this?' Who are we doing it for? You know, what is the difference we're gonna make? How is it gonna feel when we've done that?
A vision will create emotional, positive emotional response within you.
It's likely to be a combination of excitement and fear, and that's great.
We'll cover how to handle that in future episodes, so make sure you have subscribed RevolutionaryWomen.fm tells you exactly how to get on the email list and also how to subscribe on your favourite podcast provider.
A vision is the why behind a goal's what. So when you've got your vision nailed, the next thing is as you starting to take action, one of the things that often happens is this flinch factor you know, and this 'who am I to be leading such and such a vision?'
'What if they realise I'm not good enough?'
So the flinch factor is one of the little warning signs inside that there is a fear that might cause us to self sabotage or hold us back. So episode three - make sure you listen. I've got a gift for you to fix that in under ten minutes without faking it and I promise you it can work!
To get past the flinch factor, one of my ninja tips is to make that vision about them and not you.
So when I was co-leading the EU VAT action campaign, we had to do a lot of work with the media. Luckily the media was pretty sympathetic towards us, those that were actually interested, but I had a long term fear of being trolled.
I'd done press coverage in the past, I had been super-trolled. I mean just, I can't believe these people sit at work and get paid and they're using their time to sling around that kind of mud at people! It's so much worse now than it was ten years ago, when that first happened to me.
To have the courage to do these media interviews, I had to focus on my reason for doing them: to help those hundreds of thousands of business owners. It was not about me being interviewed, it was about me being interviewed in order to help and inspire them.
So this is the other key about your big vision is to make it about the difference your making for the others and not about you.
Because if it's about you, I know we started off with who do you want to become, and that's your spring board, but the real reason you want to do this is to make a difference for others in the world.
So that is my ninja tip today. If you find a flinch factor coming up on something that you're doing and it happens before I've published episode three with your flinch factor gift, okay? Take a deep breath, breathe out through your feet, let that tension go and just make that mental and emotional choice, this is about them and not me. I'm doing it for them and not me and focus on the outcome for them rather than what it is that you're gonna be doing, and you'll find that the fear starts to melt away.
So that in a whistle stop is why I invite you to start with who, not why. I hope you found today's episode useful. If you have make sure you come and join the discussion in our listener-only Facebook group. You can find out how to join us by registering free at RevolutionaryWomen.fm/tribe.
We're going to be talking about this episode in there, and if you know any other Revolutionary Women who need to hear about this podcast, please let them know.
Share the show notes link on social media, we're using the hashtag #RevolutionaryWomen and let them know how they can come and join their Revolutionary Women tribe too.
I will be back in a couple of days if you're listening to this when it first comes out with episode three which is all about the flinch factor. It's a good'un.
You're going to want to make sure you listen to it because I have got that gift for you, in episode three on how to get past your flinch factor in under ten minutes, without faking it.
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